I dont even know where to start with this. I have made so much improvement this semester and last semester its unreal to me. But do to the weather this weekend and my traveling abilities, job/school, I was not able to get as much practice time as I wanted. I went 3 days without playing the tuba which is the longest streak i have done since Christmas. Not that far away but definately good for me.
Last week my cheek puffing started to come back. It upsetted me. Yesterday and Today it has been at its worse level in a long time. I came out and told just straight up. This thing is back and its bothering me. Im unprepared for my lesson and im just really upset with the cheek puffing. He did give me helpful idea's and ways to make it sound better and to stop the cheek puffing. It does work but it was difficult for me to do it. I know things are not suppose to come early but to me, if it doesnt come natural or if i cant get it right, it bothers the hell out of me. And when i cant play the tuba the way i want i get in a pissy mood. Then i think of everything else i cant do right. I can play the guitar "decently" but im not great, upsets me. I dont get the necessary practice time in any instrument (guitar, Tuba, Piano, voice, sax) that im suppose to. Then i start thinking of Practice. I hate not getting the practice time i need in.
After that upsets me i think about school, Im on my second try at theory 2. Sometimes i get most of what josh says but i think i have a case of Adhd. Im not joking either. I was trying to get phrases/sentences adn all that stuff down today but the only thing that was going through my head was what songs should i do that will be cool for church. Im doing a sunday worship thing at my church in march. But i dont even know my key signatures. I dont know the "theory" or have the knowledge of others in the music department. That upsets me and makes me question my Major. Music is awesome and i couldn't think of doing anything else but when I think about it, when im getting D's in Theory/Woodwinds and other classes how does that make me capable of teacher others? Im a good musician compared to non-musicians but I'm starting to get from others and myself that as a musician in college, im nothing more than a "wannabe." I sometimes feel that others question me about my work ethics and knowledge. All i know that music is my life.
Now what can i do about all of this. Who should i rely on to fix this. Who can fix this? All arrows point towards me. I could stop working so much to make time for practice and studying. I could spend less time on hanging with friends and going out. I could take away from some musical aspects and come back to them until I have the knowledge and time to do it. It all comes down on how bad i want it and what im willing to do about it.
Most of this is coming out cuz im in a bad mood stage now. Im never in bad moods, i usually am the happy person and I am, just right now im upset with a few things, and when that happens i drag everything else down with it. Is my purpose here at Wayne State right for me. Am i doing what i should be doing? Or am I leading a path to no where.
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Those are definitely questions that you need to figure out. I think that you have every reason to be a music major. For me, music is almost the only thing that makes me happy, and I feel like it's my one thing that I am good at. I didn't really appreciate that until I left. I think you have what it takes to be a music teacher if you want to.
ReplyDeleteIf you EVER need any help on theory or tuba, I am more than willing to help, even if it means helping you get it into your head until 3 am. Sometimes, it just helps to hear something explained a little differently, and I definitely know a bunch of little tricks that can really help. I will not be much help for woodwinds...
DJ, you have everything needed to be a great music teacher, you have already proven that to everyone in the department. You're work ethic compared to last year has improved so much and everyone has seen it. And as far as having problems concentrating, that comes with the major man, we all have adh...was that a squirrel?...d at some point or another. And if you need some help with saxophone, just let me know, I will gladly help you try and figure out that beast, lol. And as far as feeling like a "wannabe", that happens to a lot of people. It will come eventually when you won't feel like that, but there will always be people that are better than you in one aspect or another. You just have to learn how to focus on becoming the best that YOU can be, become your own musician, and the rest will fall into place. The same goes with knowledge about music, the more you work at it, the easier it becomes, and there will always be someone smarter than you. I don't think any of us will know more about music than someone like Dr. O'Leary, but striving to become that knowledgeable should be what you try for. It all just takes time and practice, and the fact that you are feeling frustrated just shows that you do want to work at it and that you want to get better, and that is what is needed first. Just let us know if you need any help, ok man?
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